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" A softy? Me?" I said."Yup. I see right through you," she grinned.I didn't admit it right then, but she was right. Except she had the wrong Meg Ryan chick flick--it was When Harry Met Sally!SixThe next day, when I got up, Tom and I went out with his Dad to buy some stuff they needed for the Christmas decorations. We got back and Kathy was gone. "Hitting the mall," Mrs. Devereaux laughed.She came back about three in the afternoon. "It's snowing!" she said when she burst in. "I love snow!" She was giggling like a kid."A lot?" her mom asked."No, just light, but it's still snowing. I hope it keeps up until tonight, that'll make it perfect! I love this night anyway, but it's even better with snow." What's tonight?" I asked."The Lights Festival on the town common," Tom said."Oh, it's wonderful!" Kathy enthused. "They set up the lights all around the common, and Santa Claus is there, and the school band plays Christmas Carols, and there's hayrides, and everything!" She turned to me. "You. .. this life, this world... it has been my Hell for so long. Somewhere deep inside, maybe I did want it all to just end. I've tried to hide my pain from my friends, but they know. They've always known. And Dawn most of all. She thought I didn't want her. And all along she was the only thing I did want."Dawn..." I whisper, "I'm so sorry... I'm sorry..." I rise and take this amazing creature into my arms. She needs so much love. And somehow, after everything that's happened, I still have so much love to give.I denied it from the very start. Wouldn't let myself think it. Eventually I couldn't deny it, and I blamed myself. Then I blamed the monks, for making me feel this way. And then, when the end came, and Glory took my Dawn away, it was as though a piece of me had been ripped away. I stopped blaming anyone. Because what I feel is so strong, so loving, it has to be right.I tried to tell Giles once what I'd discovered between my "s*ster" and I. I told him it was physical. He didn't get.
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